Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Leprechaun

Written and directed by Mark Jones. You may know Mark Jones as the writer and director of other great films such as: Leprechaun 2, Leprechaun 3, and Leprechaun 4: In Space, Leprechaun in the Hood, Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood and of course Rumplestiltskin. New comer to film Jennifer Aniston stars in this epic tale of good vs. evil. Miss Aniston being the good and a midget in makeup being the evil. "Try as they will and try as they might, who steals me gold won’t live through the night". Fuckin' right. He means it. The rules of the leprechaun are, if you catch him...he has to tell you where his gold is and it is then yours. This leprechaun said "FUCK THAT". The film begins with a drunken Irishman. Why drunk? Cause he’s Irish. Of course he is acting a fool promising his wife a mansion and a new life. Why? Cause yes, he got the gold. He went to a funeral back home in Ireland where he found the leprechaun and raped him until he told him where the gold was. How do I know that? I read between the lines. Anyway, the one thing this Mr. O'Grady wasn’t counting on was the fact that the leprechaun followed him back. IN HIS GODDAMN SUITCASE! How do you not notice that? The little person then takes the voice of a child lure Mrs. O'Grady to open the suitcase where he then causes her to fall down some stairs. And being the fragile old lady she is...she dies. A battle issues and the old man locks the little man in a box. Then places a 4 leaf clover on it which apparently has some sort of leprechaun power draining quality that I was unaware. The old man gets so excited that he has a stroke and goes down. I’m sure you will be thinking the same thing as me in these first few minutes of the film...midgets walk funny. Ten years later a father and his daughter (Aniston) move out to the house where all that hullabaloo took place. Coming from "the city" out to this house, Aniston does a very good job playing a stuck up rich girl. A stuck up rich girl that wears L.A. Gears. But that's not until later in the film. The other characters in this story are the three fellow hired to paint this house. Those three consist of the "attractive" and "manly" part. This guy also happens to be wearing a sleeveless PURPLE button up shirt almost throughout the entire film. But he has muscles none the less. He has two helpers. A young boy played by Robert Gorman. You will recognize him from Full House, Boy Meets World, Rookie of the Year, and many other small parts. The other is a simple man named Ozzie. This fellow, Mark Holton, also played Chubby in Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too. Oh yeah he was Francis in Pee-wee's Big Adventure. But in leprechaun he plays a very stupid grown up. I don’t want to say retard. But I think you get the idea. This retard is the one that starts the whole problem. HE knocks the four leaf clover off the crate...HE finds the gold...HE does a shitty job painting the house. So, leprechaun gets out. And he is pissed. It seems he cant do shit without having all of his gold. And now all the plot holes get filled. He kills because he wants his gold. Makes sense. Now the death scenes in this are original and interesting. But poorly executed. Death by pogo stick. My favorite in this film. He pogo's on a mans chest until he is of course dead. The thing is, the impact shown does not look near intense enough to make this poor man bleed let alone lose his life. You know I'm bored with this. This movie is not very good at all. I love all horror movies, but this one is tough to enjoy. There is one more thing I will tell you that makes this worth watching. And this thing just so happens to take place at the very end of the film. They all figure out what they need to do to kill this horrible little beast. They need to kill him with a four leaf clover somehow. Yes, the little child does it. And yes he has a badass line before the carnage. Ready? "Fuck you lucky charms". He then uses a slingshot to deliver the bastard to his grave. Or so they thought. As you know there are many more films. So yes, watch it for that line and that line alone. And of course seeing Warwick Davis run around with his little legs. So cute.
To sum up: if you like laughing at people with disabilities watch this. If you like Jennifer Aniston watch this. fuck it...just watch it

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