Friday The 13th

So, this is the one that "started it all". Well at least it started probably one of the worst if not THE worst horror series ever. Jason isn't the threat quite yet. Which, while watching this you think, they were planning on making more of these while they wrote this? And, were people entertained by such shit back in 1980 that it did well enough to warrant making more? I guess we will never know. But, I know I speak for more than just myself when I say, thank god they did. Being entertained by the mindless slasher Jason would not have been possible without this series.
Made in 1980 by director Sean S. Cunningham Friday the 13th is known by well...everyone. Cult classic? Pure shit? I say both. Also, as much crap as I’m about to talk about this film...I've watched it 5 times.
One thing about this film is that you don’t see the killer for but a few minutes at the end. The whole time they use "stalker vision". I’m not sure if there is a scientific term for it. But you see everything through the eyes of the killer. Which, I guess is a cool idea. Except that many times the killer appears to be hiding so close to its victim that there is no way the soon to be corpse wouldn’t see him/her. This of course was started back in 1978 with Halloween. It was a big deal then...very scary. Not so much now.
1958 Camp Crystal Lake. One year after a young boy, Jason Voorhees, dies by drowning while all of the counselors were apparently "making love" and not paying any attention. Camp counselors sitting around an indoor fire singing all the generic camp sing-alongs. Two youngsters get up and decide to go fornicate in the upstairs of what seems to be a barn or shed of some sort. The young man uses all the lines we know so well "you’re special" and "I meant everything I said". So the awkward make out session begins. Only to be interrupted by....well you don’t know cause they use the fuck out of the stalker vision! But, something in the way the boy reacts lets you know that he knows this person. Anyway, two stabbings later we come to the present. The present being 1980...
One thing I don’t get...and its in just about every Friday the 13th...why are so many fucking kids hitch hiking? Even in the 1993 Jason Goes to Hell three kids are hitching to the camp. I’m sure in 1993 the danger of this pastime was known. And they all look at least out of high school...where the fuck are their cars? Anyway, 1980... An attractive 80's looking girl is walking up to a gas station. Ruck sack in tow/on her back, she decides to ask a fucking dog how far Crystal Lake is. Only after thinking the dog was female and then blatantly looking at the dogs red rocket and calling it sir, she realizes that she was going to get NOWHERE with this very rude dog. So, she decides to walk into the gas station. Now, like in many horror movies, small town gas stations always bring an interesting set of characters. This one is no different. She says Crystal Lake they look at her like she’s a chick with a dick. After 2 minutes of bad acting, she finds a "nice" chubby man to give her a ride half way to the camp. Why half? Well because then the killer wouldn't be able pick her up to drive her the other half later on. They leave but not before being warned by a drunk that the camp has a "death curse". They yell at him and off they go.
Now, like I said the killer is the one who picks her up to drive her the other half of the way. Again the stalker vision is used. The girl is yapping away while the driver never says a damn word but just stares at her. Yes stares at her while driving. That I guess wasn’t weird enough for this young lady. She had to wait until they passed the sign for the camp to worry. She tucks and rolls out of the moving jeep after realizing that the driver may not be trust worthy.
So, I left off with the young lady jumping from a moving jeep. Of course she decides to leave the main road and see how she fairs running around in the woods. Even if you haven’t seen this film I’m sure you know....yes she dies. She dies by having her throat cut. Which I was surprised at how well they did this throat slicing scene. They show no knife/neck contact but they do show the aftermath. Her throat opens and of course dark blood comes pouring out. The only weird thing is...there is a slight color difference between where her neck gets cut...and the rest of her damn body. Its funny...she dies and was expected at the camp to work the kitchen. You only hear the other counselors mention the fact that she hadn’t shown up one time. I guess the kitchen wasn’t very important.
So, back at the camp the kids are being kids. Fixing things, putting up gutters making shitty jokes. And Kevin Bacon is running around in probably the shortest jorts (jean shorts) I have ever seen. His two costumes in this film are A. Short ass Jorts. And B. A fucking Speedo. I love Kevin Bacon as much as the next guy. He played probably the best version of the invisible man...since well...ever. But, too much leg is too much leg. Oh yeah, you also see is bulge close up.
Storm blows in. Kids play strip monopoly. And people start to die. Die in very un-imagined ways. Of course still never seeing who the killer is. Until it comes down to the last survivor. This is where the all of your questions get answered. Jason's mother shows up. Pretending for a moment to be willing and wanting to help this young survivor. But of course her anger cause by her son’s sexually related death consumes her. And she then explains everything. The sex, the water, her dumbass son drowning. The young lady lives. Kills Mrs. Voorhees and escapes in a canoe. Then comes my favorite scene in the film. She sees cops on the beach waving her down. At last help! Music comes to a peek and BAM! little water logged Jason Voorhees comes up from the abyss and grabs that bitch, fade...Ahhhh, safe and sound in a hospital surrounded by total strangers. She asks, "what happened to the little boy from the lake". "What little boy" the officer asks. "He must have got away" she replies. DUH! And so begins the saga of Jason Voorhees.
To sum up: If you like movies made in the 80's that aren’t "80's Movies" watch this. If you like Kevin Bacon's junk, watch this. Or if you’re like me and you like watching movies that make you feel better about yourself, watch this.