Wrong Turn shows us everything that Deliverance didn’t. Although this film could have used Burt Reynolds with a bow. But then again what film couldn’t. There were times even in Striptease that I would have like to see Burt fire off a few. Focus, Focus.
Wrong turn was directed by Rob Schmidt, and stars Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, and Jeremy Sisto. All star cast I know.
The idea behind this film is inbreeding and the damage it causes. So, anytime that you have the smallest impure thought about a relative, watch this film. And if you are still having these thoughts, kill yourself, because that’s fucked up. And there you have the first and last time that I will talk about incest.
Wrong Turn opens with a fun loving couple climbing some not so dangerous cliffs. The man gets himself off’ed first. As blood drips down onto the ladies face, she begins to freak out, falls, but does not die. When she hears the cries of joy and laughter from what sounds like most of the people who live in Pennsylvania she decides it is time to run. So close her vehicle when some goddamn barbed wire trips her up. She gets drug off as you there the sounds of splatter but to not get to witness her demise. Here is what I believe happened off camera: cock slapped to death. I know, I know, a little sophomoric but it makes me giggle.
Now we come to a young man in a hurry in a mustang. He really needs to be somewhere really soon but it seems that he is farther away than he would like to be. And to add to his frustration there is a traffic jam. So, he pulls a “u” turn on a bridge in hopes of finding an alternate root to his very important destination. The next character in this story of love is a man who “runs” a “fill station”. He has one tooth and is engorging himself on a bottle of pepto bismol. Our hero in a hurry peeks at a map and finds Bear Mountain Rd. A short cut. Or so he thinks. On the side of the road he sees a dead deer. Being the pervert he is he stares and slams into the back of a group of youngsters out for some fun in the woods. Jeremy Sisto says some witty things and Eliza begins to portray what she is good at, a serious hardass bitch. I hate her. But I love this movie. And now we find our group of strangers brought together by accident lost in the woods looking for help.
Two of the group decided to stay back with the busted ass vehicles in case someone drove by. They’re just hanging out, smoking weed, doing sex, rummaging for power bars. Suddenly the one disappears. The douche bag is missing! As his special friend starts looking for him she stumbles on an ear removed from someone’s head. She can tell by the retarded amount of jewelry in the ear that it is her man. As she stares in shock dirty hands holding razor wire come from behinds and wrap this wire around her face. Painful and awesome all at the same time.
Meanwhile, the other group has found an old house with a large amount of abandoned cars in the yard. Once again just like everyone in Pennsylvania. Here is where Jeremy Sisto makes the much needed Deliverance reference. So they decide it is wise to help themselves and start to walk around the house. Of course they find it un-kept, smelly, and horribly decorated. And they discover a room full of shit. What appears to be other peoples shit. Sunglasses, car keys, hats, mobiles, all sorts of things that I have no idea why anyone would travel with.
Just as they discover body parts in strange places they owners of the home return. They return with their vehicles in tow. Now I’ve seen a lot of “backwoods” horror characters before but these are my favorites. Ugly, grunting, horny and violent. Their purpose in life is to find people and to kill them. Here we get a good look at that as they bring in the young woman with the razor wire in her mouth. She is placed on a table and they begin to saw off different limps. All of this is going on while the others are hiding under a bed and in a closet. Good tension and disturbing violence.
The leftover kids get up and try to sneak out once the family is asleep. As they are walking out the front door the one awakes. The one with an unattended to hair lip. They mount their tow truck and make chase. After a short female freak out they are on the move again.
This once again is the point at which I feel that all I am doing is re-writing the movie, which is not my goal. My goal is to give my opinion because I know so many people trust it. And also to get a low browed laugh. This film is one of my faves. And not because it was particularly good. I guess this was made during the “Scream Era” of horror. I like this one because it really was very gory. And pretty creepy as well. So here I am finishing this review after it has been sitting on my desktop for probably about a month.
To sum up: Inbred tards get their revenge for not being aloud to attend public school. There are some hot bitches and some just plain bitches. Enjoy.
